did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
