i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
