I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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