I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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