I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
