I could make wine with my vomit
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
