he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
me + whiskey = a bad person
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
