My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
