we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
