My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
