So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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