A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize