i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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