I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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