If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
