i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
