Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
