dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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