i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
