we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
