He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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