White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
