trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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