i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's never too late to be topless.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
