I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
