Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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