And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
