I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
