his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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