I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
