just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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