her vagine was all disorganized.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
