McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
