hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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