Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love having hate sex.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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