I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize