i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
