I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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