We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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