I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
