i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
