it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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