Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
