i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
