Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
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