apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
