well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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