Need sex. Gaining weight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
