the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
