I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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