he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
