How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
