hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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