Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize