Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
