fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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