some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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