i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
