why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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