Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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