dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
