So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
