the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
