So drunk, too bad you don't want this
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
