I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just tell him i said nine months
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
