if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
