u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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